I had to post my previous blogpost quickly before my battery died and I lost everything. I was totally gonna go back and edit it so that it was about more than just how screwy my family can be. And this life happened and so I'm putting that stuff here.
Let's get started shall we?
HELLO my dear sweet little Robbin :)
Soooo I've watched a buttload of movies since I last did a review and it's high time I put up my opinions on them.
Brokeback mountain*WARNING* EXTREME SPOILERS
So uh. Am I the only one on this planet who did not know that that movie was the original gay porno? I'd heard the name here and there, I knew Jake Gyllenhal(probably spelled that wrong) was in it and I'm kinda in love with him. The name- Brokeback. Someone broke their back. I friggin thought it would be some sadistic cannibals living in the mountains and taking travelers to eat as a midnight snack! BROKEBACK! Sounds like someone frickin broke their back! BUT NO. Just broke my eyes. My poor, poor eyes.
I've made it quite clear that I don't like the idea of gay. I have gay friends, but I myself am straight as a raw spaghetti noodle and I don't like the idea of it. I love Jake but I don't love seeing him... how did the old guy describe it.... "prune the rose. whack the rose. something the rose" which is basically stick one doodad in other male's deedoo. In disgusted cowboy terms. Now that we've established that I am very much scarred for life and no longer fancy Jake as much as I once did- lets move on to the actual movie.
PLOT: Well uh its dudes who get horny because they sniffed too much sheep fuzz and one night decide to try and make babies. But that's just a summer job, its just a summer job. And after being seen by their boss "whacking the rose or whatever the fricking heck they called it" that job is no longer hiring in the future summers. In that time gays absolutely were not tolerated, and they're lucky he didn't shoot them on the spot. To keep from looking suspicious they try their hardest to turn straight- do the nasty with women and then get hitched. FOr five years they pull it off, have kids, have devoted wives. Its not a happy life but its a liveable one. And then the not cute idiot contacts Jake's character and he shows up at ugly's house. In the subtlest way possible they tell the wife to stay inside and when she peeks she finds them sucking face in her front yard- not at all trying to hide it.
Can I just say something right there? If this was the south she woulda sent the kids away for a few days, gotten out her shotgun and ended the temptation the next chance she got. Either shoot both in the crotch or shoot em both and drop the bodies. Not because every southern person hates gays- but because we don't take betrayal sitting down. the movie would've ended right then and there and I would be giving it three stars! BUt no.
Sooo they start going "fishing"- like a lot. They fight with the in laws, they neglect the kids and cuss in front of them, the wives are getting irritable. REALLY LONG STORY SHORT- Ugly dude takes Jake's character for granted. they fight and don't see each other for a while. he gets a divorce and feels "guilty coughcoughhornycough" and CALLS HIS hOUSe TO APOLOGIZE. The wife answers and tells him a tire exploded and they found him drowned in his blood. He knows better and as a result I got to see JAKE GET CROWBARRED TO DEATH. It's at this point I start staring at the clock, wondering why I'm even watching this if the hot guy is gone. It's certainly not the plot that has everyone knowing about this movie. THe movie ends in a way I won't say and I finally get a break from that. Nothin against gays but I did not like that movie.
Acting: 7 of 9. The ugly guy couldn't act in my opinion, and all he said was cussing or lying to his wife and it sounded bad. Jake did good, I actually think they did pretty good with the acting, the supporting charcters were pretty well done.
Plot: oh theres a plot? what is it? oh poor gays, how hard it must be having to get married to women and settle for less and treat them badly and then go hook up with mister shirtless whenever I get bored of her? Sorry, I wasn't moved. Gays have had it rough but frankly so have a lot of other parts of the human race and I have seen enough truly tragic things that this didn't hit me as sad- except how mean he was to the woman who truly loved him. I don't like gay movies because they make it seem like girls are nothing but tools to make them look good and then drop them when its convenient. I have lived that life, I'm living that life every day and I don't like seeing it on dvd.
Effects- well its an old movie. No CG or anything computerized, really. The scenery was fantastic. I kinda focused on the mountains or the waterfalls when a nude dude would come in and so I got to see a lot of really pretty scenery. What little gore they had-which is bound to happen sooner or later out west back then- was pretty intense. A gutted, gorey sheep, some blood when Jake is getting killed. I was impressed by how graphic those scenes were for an old movie like that. Violence wasn't approved back then, just like gays weren't.
OVERALL- it made me think about some things. Not the desired things that they intended the audience to ponder over, but things. I won't ever watch it again but I don't regret it as much as I feel I should've.
American Hustle
I was in the movie theatre- just finished the hobbit and dad and I were seeing if any other movies we were interested in were playing that we could slip into. This one would be playing in thirty minutes and I was so bummed I didn't see it in theatres DX HOWEVER! I did see it two days later thanks to a wonderful website known as Viooz! (google the movie title and viooz and you'll understand)
I gotta say, it was a messed up, twisted, confusing movie- and its in my top ten of alltime.
EVERY SINGLE ACTOR did so well in their role! I'm gonna dote on Jennifer for a second because I love her- she was fantastic. She played Rosalyn SO well that I thought she was real. It felt real. I wasn't analyzing the graphics looking for errors, I was focusing on the acting and she pulled me in sooo well as Rosalyn it was amazing. The way I identify if someone is TRULY good is if they become the character. In les mis- Eddie Redmayne is Marius- hands down. Chick who plays fantine IS FANTINE. She became the role so much that I don't remember her actual name. The alternative is Russel Crowe played Javert and it was Russel Crowe playing Javert. Nothing more. He didn't become the character. Jennifer became Rosalyn! Expressed her soooo well I was blown away and I loved it!
Every character was expressed so flawlessly, so wonderfully in synch when together and just as mindblowing when alone- I loved it. I hated the cussing though, but what do you expect from forgers. And that's something else! The story of Irwin, the story of Rosalyn and Sydney were all so good that you knew the characters. They became real, they became people who could be your next door neighbors. I gotta admit I wish there was more backstory on Richie but I also think that would take away from the flow to explain any more about him.
Plot: Incredibly Intricate. It took me about forty five minutes after I watched it to finish figuring out how all the twists and surprises ended up coming together. They explained it really well, but at the same time you realize more about it when you're thinking about it later. The other thing is how well they kept to the time setting. That was very key and I can't really explain.
Casting: Sublime. I really couldn't think of anything I would change about the cast. Everything meshed together very well.
Acting: I've made it clear what I think of that. It's actors acting like they're acting one thing when they're acting another. And they achieved it.
Overall- 9 of 10
I can't remember if I did a review on FROZEN yet so I'll save that one until I get the energy to scroll back and see if I already mentioned it. If I never get around to it let me just say- I think I'm the only person in this milky way that didn't like that movie. Me and my little niece. We stand alone against the world on this one.
We're the millers
If you're searching for a movie because you're in the mood for utterly hilarious dirty humor- you've come to the right place. I saw who was being cast in this, saw how chaotic it would be and have been wanting to see it for ages. And I'm really glad I did. I wasn't disappointed by the cast, by the crude humor, by the plot twists that make what could be fifteen minute movie into a full film. its not a movie you'll watch because you like what they're doing. You won't agree with their actions unless you are a drug smuggler yourself(I won't judge) but the slapstick humor was poured on thick- but then stopped at the right moments.
Plot: once again- kudos to the person coming up with such plot twists- and managing to tie them all up by the end. Well done, senor.
Cast: Everyone fit their role, nothing felt out of place
Effects- effects were and weren't a big part of this movie. there was no big flaming batman signal on a building that they had to CG- but there were a bunch of greenscreens, some explosives. I think they did well for the budget and used it in the right spots. I'll say it again- nothing felt forced.
I know I watched more than that since my last review but actually I think a lot of it was anime that I was investigating, not too many movies.
Dinner calls my name! I shall return after dishes are done and I watch The Place Beyond The Pines, Adult World, and some sad movie that's name slips my mind. I'm gonna start writing down what I plan to blog about becaue I can't remember them now... all I remember is feeling guilty that I've neglected to post for so long.
OH! SO FOR A WHILE KIDS HAVE DECIDED TO CRUSH CANDIES AND SNIFF THEM BUT LATELY ITS GOTTEN REALLY POPULAR WITH SMARTIES. IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SNORTING SMARTIES CONSIDER THIS FIRST! ALONG WITH SHUTTING OFF YOUR LUNGS AND POSSIBLE DEATH THIS NEW FAD IS KNOWN TO GIVE YOU NASAL MAGGOTS! IF YOU'RE LIKE ME AND DON'T WANT THINGS CRAWLING AROUND IN YOUR SNIFFER THEN FIGURE OUT A DIFFERENT WAY TO BECOME SMART! PUT DOWN THE MAKESHIFT DRUGS, PUT DOWN THE REAL DRUGS. PICK UP A BOOK AND GET ADDICTED TO AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE OF YOUR CHOICE INSTEAD!
comment if you want, or don't if you want to be mean. id like you to but after my other posts im just counting my blessings with views so if you don't wanna comment, don't force yourself. please enjoy this pile of images and I think a few gifs.
