Lotta stuff

I noticed my views went down after I posted my opinion on clothing affecting the chances of rape. Such a shame, but oh well. Moving on.


Life-
Soo life has been pretty dull lately. Well.. not dull.. just repetitive. Go to hospital, cry, be convinced grandma will die any minute, realize they just completely screwed us over and she's fine, thank the lord, realize she's sick with something totally different, pray. Mom's staph is better, I'm still incredibly weak and tired but surviving. Oh! I gotta add something.

So the day of moms birthday went really horrible. We were convinced her mom was dying, there was really no celebration. She takes her birthday VERY Seriously and so I felt really bad and planned to do something with her the next day to make up for the lack of fun on her actual day. We go to see The Hobbit with dad, don't even get out of the theatre room when we get a text from mom's sister saying it's urgent. We rode home in different cars so I couldn't tell what was wrong until I got home and she was sobbing. Basically my grandma was going to be transferred to a new hospital but she was rejected and they were basically sending her home to die.

I tried from then on to get dad to leave, nothing good ever comes when he stays over. He just stresses her out and we don't need any more stress. I'm getting frustrated and mad, mom's breaking down, I try to explain to him that I don't grieve like normal people do- I get mad first, and then later when I'm alone I cry. So I was getting aggressive, trying to get him to leave. We end up having a screaming fight where he says I should get over it and learn to grieve like a normal person and I scream that nothing about me is normal and he should accept that or get out of our lives. I go outside and call Lily and sob and scream to her, come back inside- that *insert colorful words of choice* has convinced mom to let him friggin stay the night. I tell him absolutely not, mom's not in her right head she'll regret this so I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen so she won't be upset the next day. We fight but eventually I win. He leaves, I take a shower- get out and he's asleep on her bed.

One rule. There is one rule in this household that I'd like to be upheld. He never stays overnight. And what is the only rule he won't obey and she gives in to? Pheewww I was peeved. I know what happens- things are always good UNTIL HE STAYS OVERNIGHT. That's just too much of him for us to take.

Next day he swears he'll leave after breakfast. Then after he runs errands. Then after lunch. Then after mom gets home. Then after we watch a movie. Just like I knew he would. I make a deal with him that we'll watch Black Butler- something he wants us to watch together- and then he'll leave. While I'm friggin telling him that, he's going around me to make a deal with mom that he'll leave after dinner. When I find out I'm rightfully furious. He just doesn't know when to quit, when to quit when he's ahead. We end up in a screaming fight where he throws things, slams his hands on the table so much theres a crack- ect. I end up telling him exactly what I think while he's telling me to respect him- how can I respect someone that is just a grown up kid, throwing a tantrum when he can't stay the night at his friends place?  It's ridiculous, I've had enough of it. I'm still upset from things from that past and so I have a very low tolerance of his crap and rather than realizing that i'm still hurt and giving me time to heal- he decides to be stuck like glue- all the while just adding new hurt and then expecting me to never be upset- never hold a grudge.  nope. that's mom, that Is not me. I actually realized I was in the wrong in this fight, admitted it and apologized.

But that's not good enough. I try to leave the room so we don't end up fighting again- and he starts shouting at me because I'm stiff but wont get a massage. Seriously? Are you effing kidding me. No means no- the end. Drop it. I don't like massages, especially not from him and I'll bear through the pain before I accept a massage. It's not a cardinal sin so why does he have to make it seem like I'm a monster? I just ended a fight, put aside my pride but no that's not good enough is it. Nothing's ever good enough.

I texted mom that when he leaves I don't want him coming back until I say otherwise. Its really hard around here and nothing good ever comes when he's around and I don't have time to babysit the grown up man-child. I can't wait till I'm old enough to move out. Go to another country and our only communication will be the occasional postcard. I'm done. I'm so done I never give anyone this many chances and he can't even realize how much he's hurt me. Screw it. Screw it all, screw him.




Movies:
I really don't have many topics for this blog.