Lots of stuff,

Greetings people of earth! I have been meaning to type up my recent weeks for a while now and right now I'm being tempted to do something that will make my family and friends and my God very sad and make me hate myself so I figured now's as good a day to write it as any other.

I hate summertime. Hate it with a passion. Bugs and sweat and being blinded by the sun and being judged because i dont look fabulous in a swimsuit and having to shave my legs and BLEHHH summer sucks.
There's only one thing that makes summertime fun and that is Girls Camp. This year however-it was just as sucky as the rest of this stinkin season.

Before I go any further I really need you to realize that you cant judge my church as a whole based on what im about to say. This was the actions of a few people...okay more than a few. But the church isnt about humans its about god because humans mess up. And they did this time.

It's my fourth year going to girls camp and my first year coming to this one. The entire stake of the church around here is known by lots of other stakes as being very...cliquey. Very standoffish to anyone they havent known since kindergarten. It happened when we went to Nauvoo last year so I kinda knew. That's why I tried to earn enough money to get to this group's camp and my original and favorite one,but that didnt happen. So I go in fully prepared to be shunned and gossiped about and I was ready to just find a good spot with sunlight and read and let them do whatever.  That was my plan-until we are in the cabins and doing 'get to know you games' and i realize i have a lot in common with these girls. They love Tfios, they watch the vampire diaries, they like good music and little by little my hope that maybe it wont be so terrible after all starts to rise. Only to reach the top and then crash through the earths crust to its firey core in a nanosecond.

So I start getting excited start asking "are you going to see the TFIOS movie?" "Who's your favorite vampire diaries boy?" and I get weird stares and one word answers, "No." *turn away with dramatic hair swish to talk to someone else.* "Stephen" *walks away without a glance my way* and I realize that it's going to be exactly like I predicted. Great.

So mealtime is a good time to make new friends while food makes even the most miserable soul happy. Except me. *Sit down at a random table that looks like it holds decent enough people* *everyone walks away*

I sat alone during almost every meal and in the meals when i wasnt alone i still was because everyone was completely aware of my existence and had all made a vow to pretend im not there.

Anyone that's seen the horror anime Another? Where there can only be a certain amount of kids and they have to ignore anyone past that number or the ghost goes all murder spree in several creative ways? Yeah- subtract the murder part and I was the extra girl who had to be ignored.


I can say that its not all bad though. I did end up making some friends but that was through a lot of stubborness on my part and a rare kind soul amidst little antisocial heathens. But no. This isnt over yet. It's barely begun.

The agreement going to camp was no knives(i think thats insanely weird, campst eh one place a knife can come in handy, but i followed it anyway) I kept to the rule and emptied my bag of all pointy things. Well the second morning I unzip something and my lipstick knife slips out. I havent kept up with my lipstick knife wheni bought i so i just mentally say oops and then, since i feel much safer having something on me, slip it in my pocket because if i have it i may as well get rid of this vulnerable feeling. Tht day we have fire safety lessons and the lady is trying to light a fire by striking stuff and she mentions that in several otehr classes the girls had knivesthat she could use to strike and in the last class one girl hada really big one that they only had to strike once!
Does that sound like knives are acceptable to you? It did to me. I slide my lipstick knife and hand it to her. A few girls say whoa thats cool where'd you get it? I tell them where, she strikes it a few times then hands it back to me. Nothing else happens on the matter until the last night.

By the last night I've made a friend we'll call Emma. Emma and I  are on the porch talking when three adult leaders come out andtell her to go in, they need to talk to me. they tell me they know i have a knife. I hand them the one that was inn my pocket- not the lipstick knife- and they tell me theyve heard about a lipstick knife? My thoughts of course go to the only time i brought it out- fire. I tell them yes I do and they tell me to go get it. I do, ask if they can please not tell my mom about this and they say tehy cant make that promise and I say okay. They send me off and i go to my room where we're packing up. As I'm packing i find a little knife, with a very dull blade. I am just about to go take it to them when our leader asks if ill go round the girls up for a photo on the last night. I get off my bunk,open our door. Three leaders are walking my way. They tell everyone to go out, they have to talk to me. Once everyones left they say they know i was lying when i said thats all and they know i have more knives.
I tell them I just foun another one, reach up and handd them the one ijust found. They sendme out, tell me they have to search my bags. (I really shouldve mentioned something about illegal search and seizure but i was busy being a kicked puppy with all the girls ticked that i made them leave the cabin) we take the picture, hang out until they say everyone can go in.

They take me into the nurses office which is empty and sit me down to talk about why i have knives. Having had talks like this several times i knew what to say -its always been something interesting to me, and when i was old enough we went to TN and i bought my own. im not a cutter and i dont want to kill anyone. i feel like a girl should have a way to protect herself and also theyre just convenient to have!

Long time no talk (rants and raves galore)

I'm drinking out of this cool orange glass that reminds me of like medeival feists or something and then I'm sitting with my mini lion beside me and I feel like Royalty.

Hello people of earth, how're you today?  Today is a big day in a good and bad way.
Good: ITS MAH BIRTHDAY WHOOP WHOOP. IM GOING TO SEE THE FAULT IN OUR STARS AHHHH
Bad: MY FRIENDS ARE HAVING BOMBS BLOW UP THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD AND I MIGHT END UP HAVING A DEAD FRIEND AND NEVER GETTING TO GO TO THE FUNERAL AND IM FREAKING OUT.

Great timing, Terrorists -_-

I have a lot to speak about but I was watching Draw My Lifes of my favorite youtubers and it made me think about my life and I think i realized something about myself.
I think I realized where my very first taste of needing to write for awareness of the horrible things that happen in the world- growing up watching nikita and my favorite character was sold into forced prostitution in Russian when she was a kid. Throughout the show she's very passionate about going back in to save those that are still forced and she really influenced my world- and now here I am writing child abuse and sex slavery stories. Yup. I was doing dishes when I realized that connection and had the Aha! moment.

I read a book last week and finished it just before I had to leave for camp. 8 days later I'm still in a book hangover where I can't get into any other book because I'm still blown away by that last one. Have I piqued your interest yet? hmm? hmm? Goodie, now I can talk about the book.

It is called Between Shades Of Grey by Ruta Sepetys.
I've talked to seven people about this book and each time they FLIPPED OUT thinking I was reading a poorly written porno that was originally a twilight fanfiction and im like RAWRRR I DONT DO THAT CHIZ GIVE ME SOME CREDIT STUPID MEEPLES!


I swear everyone needs to read this book. If anyone has any interest in politics then war is bound to come up eventually and before they give an opinion they need to see this book.

Lina is a teenage girl who is in a world where Stalin and Hitler are two demons fighting over who can rule hell. The soldiers come in the night, grabbing Lina and her brother and mother and take her and others around the town and drop them on a train. They're unbelievably cruel and the conditions are awful but things arent any better when they get out. They're put on a potato farm, living in a hut and trying to survive abuse and starvation and sickness and the blizzards with no fire or insulation or anything.
But thats not the only thing, there are *SPOILER* that happens but im not going into that.


I've read war books and never had one captivate me like this. The writer portrayed a child's confusion and the mother's kindness and everything so wonderfully. Love slipped in like it always does but it was realistic. No one started blushing when they made eye contact. No makeout scenes. It was real and it fit the world they lived in and it was amazinggggg

Ruta did a ton of research so that the cruelty was realistic, not someone just trying to sound like the big bad wolf but she didnt do what i do which is go into a ton of detail. In one or two sentences she tore my heart in two and then sewed it back together. Another thing is it's not predictable at all. I thought i had the ending figured out by the time i opened the book AND BOY WAS I WRONG. I WAS SOOOO WRONG AND IT BLEW MY MIND AND ITS BEEN NEARLY A WEEK AND IM STILL STUCK UNABLE TO READ SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE IT THREW ME FOR A LOOP SO MUCH.

FARMBOY LEANT ME TWO BOOKS, GAME OF THRONES AND SOME OTHER AND I RENTED A LOT OF LIBRARY BOOKS BUT I CANT READ THEM AT ALL SO INSTEAD I BLOG AND RANT

OH GEEZ, CAPS LOCK IS STUCK.
WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE HOLD WHILE WE FIX THINGS.