Greetings people of earth! I have been meaning to type up my recent weeks for a while now and right now I'm being tempted to do something that will make my family and friends and my God very sad and make me hate myself so I figured now's as good a day to write it as any other.
I hate summertime. Hate it with a passion. Bugs and sweat and being blinded by the sun and being judged because i dont look fabulous in a swimsuit and having to shave my legs and BLEHHH summer sucks.
There's only one thing that makes summertime fun and that is Girls Camp. This year however-it was just as sucky as the rest of this stinkin season.
Before I go any further I really need you to realize that you cant judge my church as a whole based on what im about to say. This was the actions of a few people...okay more than a few. But the church isnt about humans its about god because humans mess up. And they did this time.
It's my fourth year going to girls camp and my first year coming to this one. The entire stake of the church around here is known by lots of other stakes as being very...cliquey. Very standoffish to anyone they havent known since kindergarten. It happened when we went to Nauvoo last year so I kinda knew. That's why I tried to earn enough money to get to this group's camp and my original and favorite one,but that didnt happen. So I go in fully prepared to be shunned and gossiped about and I was ready to just find a good spot with sunlight and read and let them do whatever. That was my plan-until we are in the cabins and doing 'get to know you games' and i realize i have a lot in common with these girls. They love Tfios, they watch the vampire diaries, they like good music and little by little my hope that maybe it wont be so terrible after all starts to rise. Only to reach the top and then crash through the earths crust to its firey core in a nanosecond.
So I start getting excited start asking "are you going to see the TFIOS movie?" "Who's your favorite vampire diaries boy?" and I get weird stares and one word answers, "No." *turn away with dramatic hair swish to talk to someone else.* "Stephen" *walks away without a glance my way* and I realize that it's going to be exactly like I predicted. Great.
So mealtime is a good time to make new friends while food makes even the most miserable soul happy. Except me. *Sit down at a random table that looks like it holds decent enough people* *everyone walks away*
I sat alone during almost every meal and in the meals when i wasnt alone i still was because everyone was completely aware of my existence and had all made a vow to pretend im not there.
Anyone that's seen the horror anime Another? Where there can only be a certain amount of kids and they have to ignore anyone past that number or the ghost goes all murder spree in several creative ways? Yeah- subtract the murder part and I was the extra girl who had to be ignored.
I can say that its not all bad though. I did end up making some friends but that was through a lot of stubborness on my part and a rare kind soul amidst little antisocial heathens. But no. This isnt over yet. It's barely begun.
The agreement going to camp was no knives(i think thats insanely weird, campst eh one place a knife can come in handy, but i followed it anyway) I kept to the rule and emptied my bag of all pointy things. Well the second morning I unzip something and my lipstick knife slips out. I havent kept up with my lipstick knife wheni bought i so i just mentally say oops and then, since i feel much safer having something on me, slip it in my pocket because if i have it i may as well get rid of this vulnerable feeling. Tht day we have fire safety lessons and the lady is trying to light a fire by striking stuff and she mentions that in several otehr classes the girls had knivesthat she could use to strike and in the last class one girl hada really big one that they only had to strike once!
Does that sound like knives are acceptable to you? It did to me. I slide my lipstick knife and hand it to her. A few girls say whoa thats cool where'd you get it? I tell them where, she strikes it a few times then hands it back to me. Nothing else happens on the matter until the last night.
By the last night I've made a friend we'll call Emma. Emma and I are on the porch talking when three adult leaders come out andtell her to go in, they need to talk to me. they tell me they know i have a knife. I hand them the one that was inn my pocket- not the lipstick knife- and they tell me theyve heard about a lipstick knife? My thoughts of course go to the only time i brought it out- fire. I tell them yes I do and they tell me to go get it. I do, ask if they can please not tell my mom about this and they say tehy cant make that promise and I say okay. They send me off and i go to my room where we're packing up. As I'm packing i find a little knife, with a very dull blade. I am just about to go take it to them when our leader asks if ill go round the girls up for a photo on the last night. I get off my bunk,open our door. Three leaders are walking my way. They tell everyone to go out, they have to talk to me. Once everyones left they say they know i was lying when i said thats all and they know i have more knives.
I tell them I just foun another one, reach up and handd them the one ijust found. They sendme out, tell me they have to search my bags. (I really shouldve mentioned something about illegal search and seizure but i was busy being a kicked puppy with all the girls ticked that i made them leave the cabin) we take the picture, hang out until they say everyone can go in.
They take me into the nurses office which is empty and sit me down to talk about why i have knives. Having had talks like this several times i knew what to say -its always been something interesting to me, and when i was old enough we went to TN and i bought my own. im not a cutter and i dont want to kill anyone. i feel like a girl should have a way to protect herself and also theyre just convenient to have!
No comments:
Post a Comment