Getting down to the last 15 pages of a book and then stopping for two hours to do random things because I don't want the book to end
Soooo it's been a while. I really missed blogging, more than I thought I would considering how often I've abandoned this pursuit of displaying my opinions. [I really like that last line, a friend said that about blogs and I stole it, cuz I'm evil like that. It might not even be that good, but I like it]
A lot of stuff happened while I was gone, and most of the summertime parts were parts that I didn't want to share because they were too special. The rest have just happened to fast that I couldn't type it fast enough because my head was spinning and so i chose not to type it at all. But now, in order to move forward I have to sum up the past.
So remember how much I hate Summer? I still feel that, more than ever. Once upon a time a girl got told by a guy that he liked her. Her- being a naturally untrusting human- took most of winter and spring to decide if she felt the same, and realized right at the beginning of Summer that she did. He was sweet and funny and adorkable and it was just nice to be around him, he made summer less sucky. Until one day when he starts saying stuff like "I can't remember the last time i was saying something sincere when I talked to you, its all been one big blur of lies" to "*sighhhh* I wish you were prettier. Your attitude is decent, you've got good boobs.. if only you were prettier" Aaaand yeah. We both knew it wouldn't last past the end of summer and it didn't, but good grief he sucked at ending it. He sucked at a lot of things, actually. I learned pretty fast that he was an amazing friend but a really sucky boyfriend-ish-thing and I wish we could still be friends but he's made it quite clear repeatedly that that isn't in the cards and I'm still a bit pissed over that. He freaking went all "Somebody that you used to know" and... just no. no. not fair at all. And yet still to this day there's a part of me that misses him. Despite the fact that I can't remember what it was I liked about him, I did like him. Maybe even a demented form of love. But it wasn't meant to be, and I'm okay with that. But I still hate summer, and all summertime boys that have entered my life.
Then it's end of July, August,. School starts which sucks. Mom has traumatic shiz happen involving work which results in me being her verbal punching bag and me just being sick of life. My body is hurting a ton from the changing of the seasons. And I meet a guy online.
Now before I begin this let me just say that if you're here to judge me on how I live my life that there is plenty of stuff in here that I'll be judged for by nosy humans, but while you have absolutely no right and it pisses me off, I put this online which means people will see this and will judge and so I'm not gonna say don't judge. You'll ignore me anyway. But rather... just... Try to learn the entire story first before you make judgements.
So I'm on an anonymous chat website for anime nerds. It's a lot of fun, the people are relatively nice, we've got a group of friends pulled together and we start to bond through our mutual awkwardness.
There's this one person that at first I'm just automatically standoffish to. Not really sure why. But then we start talking and we're all having a blast and he confesses to the group that this is the first time in weeks that he hasn't wanted to die.
I've been there. I've wanted to die, I really get the pain of that and how frustrating it is when life just keeps going, when it just won't end either because you're too cowardly to end it or because someone keeps stopping you from going through with it. Automatically I realized this is someone I need to be closer to so we start talking more and more, by August 19(it's written on my wall) we both realize that it's more than a friendship. That it kind of feels.. perfect. We're both extremely screwed up so neither of us judge the other. We've both felt a lot of pain from our last love and we're still learning how to get it right. And then comes the tiny little detail that rocked our world.
He's twentytwo.
I'm sixteen.
Now according to everyone that's given their opinion- the moment I learned that I was supposed to drop all contact and wait the remaining 900 days until I'm legal to talk to him. Maybe I should have. But I didn't and I don't regret that.
I've been raised in a family that has taught me the people skills to hold a conversation with full grown adults and teenagers and everyone else. I have 26 year old best friends, 19, 21. Most of my friends are older, people in church that I like- they aren't the kids I'm in class with, they're the lady that drove me home and we talked about her grandchildren. I don't think we should limit our social circle to our same age because honestly I don't like many 16 year olds. Teenagers suck a lot of the time, I've only found a few that stand out against the general suckiness of this age range.
So excuse me for not running for the hills when I learned that he was six when I was born. It didn't bother me much because at least he was honest. He wasn't an internet creeper because internet creepers do not admit to being a screwed-in-the-head mexican twenty two year old! That's not the way to get into a mormon southern girl's pants, it just won't work! He's made it extremely clear that he's not after sex, or any of the physical stuff.
That does not mean he doesn't enjoy me physically, because he does. He likes the way I look, he's sweet and he makes me feel beautiful. My aunt- who has a really happy marriage and I'd like to follow her example in this area- always said you'll know it's true love when it's not flattering words he says, but its geniune appreciation of everything that makes up you. He'll make you feel beautiful, and strong and you'll smile until your lips are sore.
And that literally happened. Everyone that knows me noticed how often I'd smile I've never had that! It was really nice and it still is.
There are a lot of obstacles between mine and his Happily Ever After, obviously. Not only the fact that most of the world doesn't approve, the fact that he could go to prison for speaking to me, the fact that we're both incredibly screwed up in the head. Add to that that we disagree on some key things and it's gonna be tough. But I think it's going to work, I sure hope so at least. I want us to be together so bad it hurts, physically. And I know that neither of us are planning on ending this thing anytime soon, so as long as we stick together through all the crap we're gonna make it. I really do think we're gonna make it.
Feel free to judge but do me a favor and don't attempt to arrest or report or anything else my guy. Seriously, that's just rude and uncalled for. Plenty of guys deserve to be in jail but he doesn't.
I just found a flea in my armpit... a side effect of going to the local animal kennel so often.
Ok so aside from boy stuff what else have my months where I deserted you involved?
Lots of family fights, (as a result of either my guys or my moms guys or guys that piss us off in general, lots of guy fights this year), lots of family drama that I don't want to relive, lots of crying and being upset for/at fictional characters. Mom and me (and dad at one point) read all three of the hunger games books and I HATE MOCKINGJAY.
I've read The hunger games several times, I love Catching Fire I like rereading it and admiring her creative style in the arena and how well planned everything was. BUT MOCKINGJAY. JUST--NO. NO. I've read it twice. Once because I had to and once because I wanted to see mom's reactions and both times I hated it and I cried and I got completely frazzled. At one point we were reading at a park by the lake(which was a ton of fun, I recommend that if you're bored and want to leave the house. Read at a park.) and mom threw a book at me when she read *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER* and I was upset and I started carving daggers out of some branches and I ended up with lots of wooden stakes and being covered in wood carvings and some wood ants. Lots of fun. It ended with mom putting the book on her face, laying down on her living room floor and just being broken for about twenty minutes. I hate this book.
I love The Host. I've read it a ton and I keep going back to it, reading an incredible line and going HOW DID THIS MASTERPIECE COME FROM THE CREATOR OF SPARKLY VAMPIRES?! HOW?! WHAT?! WHAT?!! AND HOW ARE SPARKLY BOYS MORE POPULAR THAN THIS PERFECTION?!
If you haven't read the book I highly reccomend not just one read, but over and over because it gets better every time. The characters are brilliantly written, the plot is fun and weird, the emotions it brings to the table are so genuine that you feel like she's writing it around things you've felt before. I didn't word that properly..hmmm.
Also. Game. Of. Thrones. I don't like this. So far there are three characters in the book that I care about enough to want to read their parts and that is Danaerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons and breaker of chains and blahdiblahblah whatever else. The Midget Lannister who's name escapes me. And Jon Snow because I always root for an underdog..or underwolf I suppose in this case. Aside from them I try reading it and I either get too pissed off/upset/ect that I have to take a break or I'm so bored that I read it before bedtime and fall asleep. Neither of those do I enjoy in a book.
And you know, I get the author's idea that we must make good and bad people die equally because in the real world there's no mercy for the good. But you see, I don't enjoy real life books very often. I like the idea of not showing mercy jsut because they're good people but that does not mean I'm going to spend my time reading it when there's an entire library of options I could be spending that time on. I have read all of Danaerys' parts, I've watched a collage of all the parts of her in the show. And I really like her and her part of the plot. Jon I adore because 1- he's hot 2-he's broody and smart and strong 3-he has a wolf as a best friend 4-he's so vulnerable and determined to be strong and I just wanna hug him and 4- he's really freaking hot.
Midget guy- there are pretty clear reasons for why I love him, its the same reason everyone else loves him.
Going back to the library thing, these past two days I've started the arduous task of walking to the library. That is about a mile and a half and it's either hot or it's cold, its never a good temperature. In general it's unpleasant but I want to start reading all of the library.
I started with Paper Towns by the king of the kingdom of awesome- John Green because the movie is coming out. I don't think you heard me. THE MOVIE IS COMING OUT!!!!! OHMY FREAKING GOSH JOHN IS HAVING TWO MOVIES FROM HIS BOOKS AAHHHHHH
And so I read it and it was amazing and it had me upset and questioning the world to laughing out loud until I snorted. Yes. I admit I snorted from the funny parts in this book. Don't judge.
And then it got to where the book was almost over and I couldn't bear the thought of the ending, when I wouldn't have these characters with me anymore and so.. I drew.And I wrote. And I stared at my walls. And I played with a hermit crab- oh by the way I have a pet hermit crab named Cato The Crab and he is gorgeous and funny and makes noises that make me think aliens are about to beam me up. And I attempted to clean my room but I had a headache and so leaning down to pick things up made it throb so I gave that up and i played with a baseball bat and then eventually...I read the ending. and it was amazing and I'm still not quite sure what to think, I must reread this book but not yet.
Then I turned that in and I decided to just start with a book on the first shelf by the library entrance and go from there through all the books in the room. And so I picked one up called The Secret Place by Tana French. From the start I was skeptical because the back cover makes it seem like one of the best crime books ever and I automatically disagree because I have read MANY crime scene books and never once have I heard her name so she can't be that amazing. The prologue is okay. It's vague and you get the feeling that the author has like inside jokes that only she gets and I have yet to get the book.
The writing style... I'll be frank- I don't like it. It's confusing as all getout, I feel nothing to the characters and I have yet to see anything that makes the crime "one of the best". So far there's a chick and her friends. The main chick made no impression on me at all, the chick's friends dropped ice cream in her hair and made a 'messy blowjob' joke that I didn't care for. Then she's suddenly bringing evidence about a cold case to a cop that helped her give a testimony as a witness many years ago. And here's where the writing style just...isn't good. It doesn't make sense, her form of wording is just scrambled and it takes time for me to squint and reread before I understand what jsut happened and that's not something a book should do. This popular rich boy had his skull bashed in outside of an All Girl's School in Dublin run by nuns. They checked the local riffraff, they interviewed the girls, checked any sleazy janitor and then stopped looking and called it a cold case.
Now if this was a good book my money would be on a psycho nun who walked in on him Doing The Diddly with a female student and hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dumped the body outside so it would look like a mugging. I'd bet it's a group of extremely dangerous girls who are in a gang, found out he was cheating with another classmate and went and banged up his skull.
But since it's clearly not a creative book I'm guessing something dropped on his head from a window, the person felt guilty but couldn't have her school reputation muddied so she dragged him away to make it look random. Aaaaand I'm bored. Who only investigates three groups of suspects before turning it cold?! What about childhood friends? Relatives? Towns people? Rival schools? Rival teammates? Tourists?! There's a ton of work that can be done to discover this boy's killer. It's not even a creative cause of death. I just watched a castle episode where fingernails were removed, fingers all broken and then he was strangled with a bag and duct tape. That's a creative way to die.
Aaaaaand yeah. There's my two loves in one year, one still ongoing. My five book.. reviews? Rants? Whatever they are. One of those is still ongoing. Actually two but I won't be reading the rest of GOT. I can wiki all the spoilers and know jsut as much.
Also- can I just get it out there that I make some freaking delicious pancakes.
Also- writer's block sucks
Also- I watched a bunch of movies about sex trafficking and kidnapping and I learned about the twisted world of organ stealing crazies and I'm intrigued the way only a sicko writer can be :3
Also- castle and kate beckett are the cutest couple this side of Jared and Melanie.
Also- Detective Olivia in SVU is my hero, I love her so much and the scum she deals with on a daily basis piss me off so bad I end up ranting to friends.
Also- the background of this blog will be changing itself to a simple yet remarkably complex image that I absolutely adore because to me it shows a form of love for the world in paper and also it screams to me about how much heart and soul goes into the words on paper and I LOVE IT
Note to self; pancake batter that spills on the stove is really freaking nasty, not like chocolate that spills on the stove. not at all and it made me sad.
Now please enjoy this random bunch of pictures and links that I love.
http://www.alibris.com/ <--- a website that has 99 cent books and books that go for thousands of dollars because they're so rare.
http://store.dftba.com/collections/all Don't Forget To Be Awesome.
http://otakumode.com/ Art, anime stuff...if i were to buy action figures or figurines it would be from here. Also. SUSHI SOCKS.
http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/
http://thebaydays.wikifoundry.com/thread/5184936/miku+x+ew+boys - where all my time is spent.
i'LL PUT THE PICS ON LATER I GOTTA GO TO A WEDDING LATER LOVELIES
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