From June 16 to November 8

Getting down to the last 15 pages of a book and then stopping for two hours to do random things because I don't want the book to end

‪#‎justpapertownthings‬

Soooo it's been a while. I really missed blogging, more than I thought I would considering how often I've abandoned this pursuit of displaying my opinions. [I really like that last line, a friend said that about blogs and I stole it, cuz I'm evil like that. It might not even be that good, but I like it]

A lot of stuff happened while I was gone, and most of the summertime parts were parts that I didn't want to share because they were too special. The rest have just happened to fast that I couldn't type it fast enough because my head was spinning and so i chose not to type it at all. But now, in order to move forward I have to sum up the past.

So remember how much I hate Summer? I still feel that, more than ever. Once upon a time a girl got told by a guy that he liked her. Her- being a naturally untrusting human- took most of winter and spring to decide if she felt the same, and realized right at the beginning of Summer that she did. He was sweet and funny and adorkable and it was just nice to be around him, he made summer less sucky. Until one day when he starts saying stuff like "I can't remember the last time i was saying something sincere when I talked to you, its all been one big blur of lies" to "*sighhhh* I wish you were prettier. Your attitude is decent, you've got good boobs.. if only you were prettier"  Aaaand yeah. We both knew it wouldn't last past the end of summer and it didn't, but good grief he sucked at ending it. He sucked at a lot of things, actually. I learned pretty fast that he was an amazing friend but a really sucky boyfriend-ish-thing and I wish we could still be friends but he's made it quite clear repeatedly that that isn't in the cards and I'm still a bit pissed over that. He freaking went all "Somebody that you used to know" and... just no. no. not fair at all.   And yet still to this day there's a part of me that misses him. Despite the fact that I can't remember what it was I liked about him, I did like him. Maybe even a demented form of love. But it wasn't meant to be, and I'm okay with that. But I still hate summer, and all summertime boys that have entered my life. 

Then it's end of July,  August,. School starts which sucks. Mom has traumatic shiz happen involving work which results in me being her verbal punching bag and me just being sick of life. My body is hurting a ton from the changing of the seasons. And I meet a guy online. 

Now before I begin this let me just say that if you're here to judge me on how I live my life that there is plenty of stuff in here that I'll be judged for by nosy humans, but while you have absolutely no right and it pisses me off, I put this online which means people will see this and will judge and so I'm not gonna say don't judge. You'll ignore me anyway. But rather... just... Try to learn the entire story first before you make judgements.

So I'm on an anonymous chat website for anime nerds. It's a lot of fun, the people are relatively nice, we've got a group of friends pulled together and we start to bond through our mutual awkwardness.

There's this one person that at first I'm just automatically standoffish to. Not really sure why. But then we start talking and we're all having a blast and he confesses to the group that this is the first time in weeks that he hasn't wanted to die. 

I've been there. I've wanted to die, I really get the pain of that and how frustrating it is when life just keeps going, when it just won't end either because you're too cowardly to end it or because someone keeps stopping you from going through with it.  Automatically I realized this is someone I need to be closer to so we start talking more and more, by August 19(it's written on my wall) we both realize that it's more than a friendship. That it kind of feels.. perfect. We're both extremely screwed up so neither of us judge the other. We've both felt a lot of pain from our last love and we're still learning how to get it right. And then comes the tiny little detail that rocked our world.

He's twentytwo. 

I'm sixteen. 

Now according to everyone that's given their opinion- the moment I learned that I was supposed to drop all contact and wait the remaining 900 days until I'm legal to talk to him.  Maybe I should have. But I didn't and I don't regret that.

 I've been raised in a family that has taught me the people skills to hold a conversation with full grown adults and teenagers and everyone else. I have 26 year old best friends, 19, 21. Most of my friends are older, people in church that I like- they aren't the kids I'm in class with, they're the lady that drove me home and we talked about her grandchildren. I don't think we should limit our social circle to our same age because honestly I don't like many 16 year olds. Teenagers suck a lot of the time, I've only found a few that stand out against the general suckiness of this age range. 

So excuse me for not running for the hills when I learned that he was six when I was born. It didn't bother me much because at least he was honest. He wasn't an internet creeper because internet creepers do not admit to being a screwed-in-the-head mexican twenty two year old! That's not the way to get into a mormon southern girl's pants, it just won't work! He's made it extremely clear that he's not after sex, or any of the physical stuff. 

That does not mean he doesn't enjoy me physically, because he does. He likes the way I look, he's sweet and he makes me feel beautiful. My aunt- who has a really happy marriage and I'd like to follow her example in this area- always said you'll know it's true love when it's not flattering words he says, but its geniune appreciation of everything that makes up you. He'll make you feel beautiful, and strong and you'll smile until your lips are sore.

And that literally happened. Everyone that knows me noticed how often I'd smile I've never had that! It was really nice and it still is. 

There are a lot of obstacles between mine and his Happily Ever After, obviously. Not only the fact that most of the world doesn't approve, the fact that he could go to prison for speaking to me, the fact that we're both incredibly screwed up in the head. Add to that that we disagree on some key things and it's gonna be tough. But I think it's going to work, I sure hope so at least. I want us to be together so bad it hurts, physically. And I know that neither of us are planning on ending this thing anytime soon, so as long as we stick together through all the crap we're gonna make it. I really do think we're gonna make it.

Feel free to judge but do me a favor and don't attempt to arrest or report or anything else my guy. Seriously, that's just rude and uncalled for. Plenty of guys deserve to be in jail but he doesn't. 

I just found a flea in my armpit... a side effect of going to the local animal kennel so often.

Ok so aside from boy stuff what else have my months where I deserted you involved?

Lots of family fights, (as a result of either my guys or my moms guys or guys that piss us off in general, lots of guy fights this year), lots of family drama that I don't want to relive, lots of crying and being upset for/at fictional characters. Mom and me (and dad at one point) read all three of the hunger games books and I HATE MOCKINGJAY. 

I've read The hunger games several times, I love Catching Fire I like rereading it and admiring her creative style in the arena and how well planned everything was. BUT MOCKINGJAY. JUST--NO. NO. I've read it twice. Once because I had to and once because I wanted to see mom's reactions and both times I hated it and I cried and I got completely frazzled. At one point we were reading at a park by the lake(which was a ton of fun, I recommend that if you're bored and want to leave the house. Read at a park.) and mom threw a book at me when she read *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER* and I was upset and I started carving daggers out of some branches and I ended up with lots of wooden stakes and being covered in wood carvings and some wood ants. Lots of fun. It ended with mom putting the book on her face, laying down on her living room floor and just being broken for about twenty minutes. I hate this book.

I love The Host. I've read it a ton and I keep going back to it, reading an incredible line and going HOW DID THIS MASTERPIECE COME FROM THE CREATOR OF SPARKLY VAMPIRES?! HOW?! WHAT?! WHAT?!! AND HOW ARE SPARKLY BOYS MORE POPULAR THAN THIS PERFECTION?!

If you haven't read the book I highly reccomend not just one read, but over and over because it gets better every time. The characters are brilliantly written, the plot is fun and weird, the emotions it brings to the table are so genuine that you feel like she's writing it around things you've felt before. I didn't word that properly..hmmm.

Also. Game. Of. Thrones. I don't like this. So far there are three characters in the book that I care about enough to want to read their parts and that is Danaerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons and breaker of chains and blahdiblahblah whatever else.  The Midget Lannister who's name escapes me.  And Jon Snow because I always root for an underdog..or underwolf I suppose in this case. Aside from them I try reading it and I either get too pissed off/upset/ect that I have to take a break or I'm so bored that I read it before bedtime and fall asleep. Neither of those do I enjoy in a book. 

And you know, I get the author's idea that we must make good and bad people die equally because in the real world there's no mercy for the good. But you see, I don't enjoy real life books very often. I like the idea of not showing mercy jsut because they're good people but that does not mean I'm going to spend my time reading it when there's an entire library of options I could be spending that time on. I have read all of Danaerys' parts, I've watched a collage of all the parts of her in the show. And I really like her and her part of the plot. Jon I adore because 1- he's hot 2-he's broody and smart and strong 3-he has a wolf as a best friend 4-he's so vulnerable and determined to be strong and I just wanna hug him and 4- he's really freaking hot.

 Midget guy- there are pretty clear reasons for why I love him, its the same reason everyone else loves him. 

Going back to the library thing, these past two days I've started the arduous task of walking to the library. That is about a mile and a half and it's either hot or it's cold, its never a good temperature. In general it's unpleasant but I want to start reading all of the library. 

I started with Paper Towns by the king of the kingdom of awesome- John Green because the movie is coming out. I don't think you heard me. THE MOVIE IS COMING OUT!!!!! OHMY FREAKING GOSH JOHN IS HAVING TWO MOVIES FROM HIS BOOKS AAHHHHHH 

And so I read it and it was amazing and it had me upset and questioning the world to laughing out loud until I snorted. Yes. I admit I snorted from the funny parts in this book. Don't judge. 

And then it got to where the book was almost over and I couldn't bear the thought of the ending, when I wouldn't have these characters with me anymore and so.. I drew.And I wrote. And I stared at my walls. And I played with a hermit crab- oh by the way I have a pet hermit crab named Cato The Crab and he is gorgeous and funny and makes noises that make me think aliens are about to beam me up. And I attempted to clean my room but I had a headache and so leaning down to pick things up made it throb so I gave that up and i played with a baseball bat and then eventually...I read the ending. and it was amazing and I'm still not quite sure what to think, I must reread this book but not yet. 

Then I turned that in and I decided to just start with a book on the first shelf by the library entrance and go from there through all the books in the room. And so I picked one up called The Secret Place by Tana French.  From the start I was skeptical because the back cover makes it seem like one of the best crime books ever and I automatically disagree because I have read MANY crime scene books and never once have I heard her name so she can't be that amazing. The prologue is okay. It's vague and you get the feeling that the author has like inside jokes that only she gets and I have yet to get the book. 

The writing style... I'll be frank- I don't like it. It's confusing as all getout, I feel nothing to the characters and I have yet to see anything that makes the crime "one of the best". So far there's a chick and her friends. The main chick made no impression on me at all, the chick's friends dropped ice cream in her hair and made a 'messy blowjob' joke that I didn't care for. Then she's suddenly bringing evidence about a cold case to a cop that helped her give a testimony as a witness many years ago. And here's where the writing style just...isn't good. It doesn't make sense, her form of wording is just scrambled and it takes time for me to squint and reread before I understand what jsut happened and that's not something a book should do. This popular rich boy had his skull bashed in outside of an All Girl's School in Dublin run by nuns. They checked the local riffraff, they interviewed the girls, checked any sleazy janitor and then stopped looking and called it a cold case.

Now if this was a good book my money would be on a psycho nun who walked in on him Doing The Diddly with a female student and hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dumped the body outside so it would look like a mugging. I'd bet it's a group of extremely dangerous girls who are in a gang, found out he was cheating with another classmate and went and banged up his skull. 

But since it's clearly not a creative book I'm guessing something dropped on his head from a window, the person felt guilty but couldn't have her school reputation muddied so she dragged him away to make it look random. Aaaaand I'm bored. Who only investigates three groups of suspects before turning it cold?! What about childhood friends? Relatives? Towns people? Rival schools? Rival teammates? Tourists?! There's a ton of work that can be done to discover this boy's killer. It's not even a creative cause of death. I just watched a castle episode where fingernails were removed, fingers all broken and then he was strangled with a bag and duct tape. That's a creative way to die. 

Aaaaaand yeah. There's my two loves in one year, one still ongoing. My five book.. reviews? Rants? Whatever they are. One of those is still ongoing. Actually two but I won't be reading the rest of GOT. I can wiki all the spoilers and know jsut as much. 

Also- can I just get it out there that I make some freaking delicious pancakes. 

Also- writer's block sucks

Also- I watched a bunch of movies about sex trafficking and kidnapping and I learned about the twisted world of organ stealing crazies and I'm intrigued the way only a sicko writer can be :3

Also- castle and kate beckett are the cutest couple this side of Jared and Melanie. 

Also- Detective Olivia in SVU is my hero, I love her so much and the scum she deals with on a daily basis piss me off so bad I end up ranting to friends. 

Also- the background of this blog will be changing itself to a simple yet remarkably complex image that I absolutely adore because to me it shows a form of love for the world in paper and also it screams to me about how much heart and soul goes into the words on paper and I LOVE IT

Note to self; pancake batter that spills on the stove is really freaking nasty, not like chocolate that spills on the stove. not at all and it made me sad. 

Now please enjoy this random bunch of pictures and links that I love. 

http://www.alibris.com/  <--- a website that has 99 cent books and books that go for thousands of dollars because they're so rare.

http://store.dftba.com/collections/all  Don't Forget To Be Awesome.

http://otakumode.com/ Art, anime stuff...if i were to buy action figures or figurines it would be from here. Also. SUSHI SOCKS. 

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/

http://thebaydays.wikifoundry.com/thread/5184936/miku+x+ew+boys - where all my time is spent.

i'LL PUT THE PICS ON LATER I GOTTA GO TO A WEDDING LATER LOVELIES

Lots of stuff,

Greetings people of earth! I have been meaning to type up my recent weeks for a while now and right now I'm being tempted to do something that will make my family and friends and my God very sad and make me hate myself so I figured now's as good a day to write it as any other.

I hate summertime. Hate it with a passion. Bugs and sweat and being blinded by the sun and being judged because i dont look fabulous in a swimsuit and having to shave my legs and BLEHHH summer sucks.
There's only one thing that makes summertime fun and that is Girls Camp. This year however-it was just as sucky as the rest of this stinkin season.

Before I go any further I really need you to realize that you cant judge my church as a whole based on what im about to say. This was the actions of a few people...okay more than a few. But the church isnt about humans its about god because humans mess up. And they did this time.

It's my fourth year going to girls camp and my first year coming to this one. The entire stake of the church around here is known by lots of other stakes as being very...cliquey. Very standoffish to anyone they havent known since kindergarten. It happened when we went to Nauvoo last year so I kinda knew. That's why I tried to earn enough money to get to this group's camp and my original and favorite one,but that didnt happen. So I go in fully prepared to be shunned and gossiped about and I was ready to just find a good spot with sunlight and read and let them do whatever.  That was my plan-until we are in the cabins and doing 'get to know you games' and i realize i have a lot in common with these girls. They love Tfios, they watch the vampire diaries, they like good music and little by little my hope that maybe it wont be so terrible after all starts to rise. Only to reach the top and then crash through the earths crust to its firey core in a nanosecond.

So I start getting excited start asking "are you going to see the TFIOS movie?" "Who's your favorite vampire diaries boy?" and I get weird stares and one word answers, "No." *turn away with dramatic hair swish to talk to someone else.* "Stephen" *walks away without a glance my way* and I realize that it's going to be exactly like I predicted. Great.

So mealtime is a good time to make new friends while food makes even the most miserable soul happy. Except me. *Sit down at a random table that looks like it holds decent enough people* *everyone walks away*

I sat alone during almost every meal and in the meals when i wasnt alone i still was because everyone was completely aware of my existence and had all made a vow to pretend im not there.

Anyone that's seen the horror anime Another? Where there can only be a certain amount of kids and they have to ignore anyone past that number or the ghost goes all murder spree in several creative ways? Yeah- subtract the murder part and I was the extra girl who had to be ignored.


I can say that its not all bad though. I did end up making some friends but that was through a lot of stubborness on my part and a rare kind soul amidst little antisocial heathens. But no. This isnt over yet. It's barely begun.

The agreement going to camp was no knives(i think thats insanely weird, campst eh one place a knife can come in handy, but i followed it anyway) I kept to the rule and emptied my bag of all pointy things. Well the second morning I unzip something and my lipstick knife slips out. I havent kept up with my lipstick knife wheni bought i so i just mentally say oops and then, since i feel much safer having something on me, slip it in my pocket because if i have it i may as well get rid of this vulnerable feeling. Tht day we have fire safety lessons and the lady is trying to light a fire by striking stuff and she mentions that in several otehr classes the girls had knivesthat she could use to strike and in the last class one girl hada really big one that they only had to strike once!
Does that sound like knives are acceptable to you? It did to me. I slide my lipstick knife and hand it to her. A few girls say whoa thats cool where'd you get it? I tell them where, she strikes it a few times then hands it back to me. Nothing else happens on the matter until the last night.

By the last night I've made a friend we'll call Emma. Emma and I  are on the porch talking when three adult leaders come out andtell her to go in, they need to talk to me. they tell me they know i have a knife. I hand them the one that was inn my pocket- not the lipstick knife- and they tell me theyve heard about a lipstick knife? My thoughts of course go to the only time i brought it out- fire. I tell them yes I do and they tell me to go get it. I do, ask if they can please not tell my mom about this and they say tehy cant make that promise and I say okay. They send me off and i go to my room where we're packing up. As I'm packing i find a little knife, with a very dull blade. I am just about to go take it to them when our leader asks if ill go round the girls up for a photo on the last night. I get off my bunk,open our door. Three leaders are walking my way. They tell everyone to go out, they have to talk to me. Once everyones left they say they know i was lying when i said thats all and they know i have more knives.
I tell them I just foun another one, reach up and handd them the one ijust found. They sendme out, tell me they have to search my bags. (I really shouldve mentioned something about illegal search and seizure but i was busy being a kicked puppy with all the girls ticked that i made them leave the cabin) we take the picture, hang out until they say everyone can go in.

They take me into the nurses office which is empty and sit me down to talk about why i have knives. Having had talks like this several times i knew what to say -its always been something interesting to me, and when i was old enough we went to TN and i bought my own. im not a cutter and i dont want to kill anyone. i feel like a girl should have a way to protect herself and also theyre just convenient to have!

Long time no talk (rants and raves galore)

I'm drinking out of this cool orange glass that reminds me of like medeival feists or something and then I'm sitting with my mini lion beside me and I feel like Royalty.

Hello people of earth, how're you today?  Today is a big day in a good and bad way.
Good: ITS MAH BIRTHDAY WHOOP WHOOP. IM GOING TO SEE THE FAULT IN OUR STARS AHHHH
Bad: MY FRIENDS ARE HAVING BOMBS BLOW UP THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD AND I MIGHT END UP HAVING A DEAD FRIEND AND NEVER GETTING TO GO TO THE FUNERAL AND IM FREAKING OUT.

Great timing, Terrorists -_-

I have a lot to speak about but I was watching Draw My Lifes of my favorite youtubers and it made me think about my life and I think i realized something about myself.
I think I realized where my very first taste of needing to write for awareness of the horrible things that happen in the world- growing up watching nikita and my favorite character was sold into forced prostitution in Russian when she was a kid. Throughout the show she's very passionate about going back in to save those that are still forced and she really influenced my world- and now here I am writing child abuse and sex slavery stories. Yup. I was doing dishes when I realized that connection and had the Aha! moment.

I read a book last week and finished it just before I had to leave for camp. 8 days later I'm still in a book hangover where I can't get into any other book because I'm still blown away by that last one. Have I piqued your interest yet? hmm? hmm? Goodie, now I can talk about the book.

It is called Between Shades Of Grey by Ruta Sepetys.
I've talked to seven people about this book and each time they FLIPPED OUT thinking I was reading a poorly written porno that was originally a twilight fanfiction and im like RAWRRR I DONT DO THAT CHIZ GIVE ME SOME CREDIT STUPID MEEPLES!


I swear everyone needs to read this book. If anyone has any interest in politics then war is bound to come up eventually and before they give an opinion they need to see this book.

Lina is a teenage girl who is in a world where Stalin and Hitler are two demons fighting over who can rule hell. The soldiers come in the night, grabbing Lina and her brother and mother and take her and others around the town and drop them on a train. They're unbelievably cruel and the conditions are awful but things arent any better when they get out. They're put on a potato farm, living in a hut and trying to survive abuse and starvation and sickness and the blizzards with no fire or insulation or anything.
But thats not the only thing, there are *SPOILER* that happens but im not going into that.


I've read war books and never had one captivate me like this. The writer portrayed a child's confusion and the mother's kindness and everything so wonderfully. Love slipped in like it always does but it was realistic. No one started blushing when they made eye contact. No makeout scenes. It was real and it fit the world they lived in and it was amazinggggg

Ruta did a ton of research so that the cruelty was realistic, not someone just trying to sound like the big bad wolf but she didnt do what i do which is go into a ton of detail. In one or two sentences she tore my heart in two and then sewed it back together. Another thing is it's not predictable at all. I thought i had the ending figured out by the time i opened the book AND BOY WAS I WRONG. I WAS SOOOO WRONG AND IT BLEW MY MIND AND ITS BEEN NEARLY A WEEK AND IM STILL STUCK UNABLE TO READ SOMETHING ELSE BECAUSE IT THREW ME FOR A LOOP SO MUCH.

FARMBOY LEANT ME TWO BOOKS, GAME OF THRONES AND SOME OTHER AND I RENTED A LOT OF LIBRARY BOOKS BUT I CANT READ THEM AT ALL SO INSTEAD I BLOG AND RANT

OH GEEZ, CAPS LOCK IS STUCK.
WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE HOLD WHILE WE FIX THINGS.

insecurity.

greetings people who for some reason inexplicably keep reading my ramblings. Iloveyoupleasedontgoaway


sooo yesterday this dude who kinda sorta asked me out in a roundabout way mentioned how confident I seem and I laughed. me? confident? hah! that's funny, good one. no confidence here, just my determination to be myself no matter how much people despise who I am.

I'm pretty sure everyone Is insecure. I can't imagine not being. When guys act like they like me I automatically think they're just having pity on the ugly girl. or I just stand there incredulously wondering why on earth they seem to genuinely like me.  Still not sure why you people stick around. still not sure why my cat hasn't killed me or why people seem to take my advice. NO IDEA WHY PEOPLE READ MY STUFF.  I hate every word I type but I've learned that people tend to like the ones I hate so I post them anyway. I think I'm just being human in this insecurity but my gosh- if that's the case then BEING HUMAN SUCKS! SO BAD! Questioning every word wondering what their hidden motive is, assuming they're lying about liking any part of my existence. it sucks. I want to be a cat so bad. Those puffballs think they are the king of the floating rock! how nice to have a smidgen of that confidence..


yup. two posts in one day because  a friend read my story and liked it and I was freaked out. And my seminary teacher said she liked my laugh and my singing voice in one day and this happened inside my brain.

shes just saying it why would she like your voice you've got an awful laugh and your singing voice doesn't even count as singing don't even kid yourself shes just saying that to make you feel good its a lie don't believe it!"


and I realized how annoying my brain is. the end.

I HAVE DONE IT

YOU'RE CRAZY AND I'M OUTTA MY MINDDDDDDDDD
CUZ ALL OF ME LOVES ALL OF YOUUU LOVE YOUR CURVES AND ALL YOUR EDGES- ALL YOUR PERFECT IMPERFECTIONS~~~~

*happy sigh* John Legend is amazing. Why cant more songs be like this?

*ahem!*


Greetings you 580 beauties who find my ramblings amusing enough to keep reading them. Today I have something interesting to talk about.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows Taylor Swift? Has heard the name? Something about taylor swift has crossed your path at some point or other.  Well I was on facebook yesterday and there was a Tswift hater posting things that ended up on my news feed. Curious I started looking and read through comments for why they hate her so much and get this.(this has happened a lot, if you like someone you're bound to find haters challenging your likes so this time I wanted to find out why)

A)It's because she has dated too many guys. B)It's because her songs are about guys.C) It's because she's country- or was. or sorta is. idek. D) It's because she's white.

...seriously?

A)Ohhhmygosh she hasn't found the guy of her dreams and she's been cheated on a lot and dumped and heartbroken and has broken hearts before and she happens to have a talent that she releases that frustration through ohmygosh that slut! *le gasp* You know. I bet she even bathes..naked. *shocked exclamations of overdramaticalness*

B)She sings about guys? Would you like a link to all the girls singing about dudes? It'd be easier to find ones that don't and that would be Evanescence(actually she does too but mostly her songs are just beautifully dark without much of the male species being involved). But seriously. ACTUALLY NO.

1- contrary to popular belief- she does sing about things besides boys. Never Grow Up, Innocent,  I know there's more but right now I'm listening to Story of Us and I can't think of others.

2- It's not that she sings about dudes. Its that she doesn't sing about them sexually. Seriously. I heard a Kesha song that was basically her saying for him to shut his mouth and unzip his pants. No one bats an eye. This was uncensored on the radio. Nothing. Taylor swift sings about a guy hurting her or a guy who isn't worth her time or a guy she likes- tons of haters everywhere. Not saying Kesha doesn't have haters, but I don't really care about that so bad to Taylor.

C) Ohmygosh she's country I hate her! THEN CHANGE THE CHANNEL. THEN DONT CLICK HER VIDEOS. SO EASY! Seriously. There are very few rap songs I like. Why? My favorite word is not nigga. So do I listen to rap and insult it? Do I click every rappers videos and insult them down in the comments? No because I have a brain!

D) Oh gosh! That taylor is just so, so white!
I'm sorry, when did that become an insult? And for the record- that insult sucks. So much. Yup. She's white. She's been white and I pray that she stays white and doesn't get some shady surgery and go dark. She is white and so are a lot of people on the earth. They're no better and no worse than any other soul on this floating rock. Her being white does not mean she has no talent and it doesn't automatically mean she's amazing.



oh and I'm adding another reason people hate Taylor. her songs are unrealistic and no one can relate to them. Hahaha! I laugh when I hear this one. Seriously? Lets see what unrealistic and unrelatable songs I can think of- Paparazzi. Old but gold but unrealistic. You will love me because I will follow you around in my van. Did anyone troll facebook over that unrealisticness? How bout one everyone says is relatable-

FIRST OF ALL what song is she listening to with a grey goose? Blood stains? I can relate to that- it happens once a month. That's the only relatable part of this.
And no one notices the hypocrisy of her getting rich by saying we'll never get rich? This song screams you are broke and that wont change so just accept it and it makes me sick. I couldn't even listen I just like fastforwarded through the slides to find what I wanted cuz I didn't want to gag. But no. Hardly any Haters with this one.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The world is screwed up on so many levels. So much hypocrisy and I hate hypocrites but I'm one too so I cant say much more than a small blog post.



Oooh! I used an epic quote that I want to be posted for the world to see cuz I was just like holy crap that came out deep!

So one of my friends was considering suicide. Wasn't gonna do it but- I think everyone wants to disappear at one point or another. Just to see how people would react or something. Anyway I said this fabulous gold nugget.

"life sucks but its temporary. The oneway ticket to hell sucks for all eternity. Trust me, it aint worth it."


and then we both looked at each other and were like "dude.. that's really cool how you worded that." and im like "holy snap I know right!"

And yeah. don't do suicide kiddos. or adultos. or cheerios- unless suicide is me eating you in which case DIE FOOL DIE!



hehe. yeah. Maeko out~ <3


okay nothing is on my desktop right now so im going to pictures file and im kinda scared of what could appear ._.

<--I have no idea. feel free to comment

I AM DESIRED BY THE OPPOSITE SEX!!!

HElllloooooo people of the internet! I have been watching Vlogbrother videos for a very long time so if my words start to resemble their speech patterns you can guess why. Also words will be used that I may or may not fully comprehend their definitions.

So my mom and I drove several hours to the top of our state to visit with her sister and my cousins. She had a business seminar party thing to go to and I got to stay with my aunt. She was doing stuff and buying stuff for me for an early present because im always at camp and never see her during my birthday time. We got a massive breakfast at Huddle house then went horseriding at this petting zoo(don't get me started on how the animals were treated but lets just say id love to have a helicopter that could carry cages to the animals' rightful location) I got a necklace with a tiger even though the tiger was not there but instead a lion was asleep cuddling a big blue ball to it's chest in the cutest way ever and a bird that can very loudly imitate a siren in your ears.
Then our journey took us to Chuck E cheese where we played air hockey about 8 times before realizing that my cousin manages to cheat at it and is a scumbag. then we played Guitar hero for an hour until these other teens wanted a turn. I've only played GH a few times in my life and so I'm not very good. My cousin has set records and couldn't stop bragging about it. He would stay on his favorite song(talk dirty to me) until I could beat him and then he'd let me pick a song(yellow by coldplay <3 which I just turned on my youtube)

We were planning on going to this pottery painting place after CEC but after seeing our current obsession my aunt had a brilliant idea. She'd take my cousin to use his money on guitar hero and then drop us off at home to play it while she went furniture shopping.

We learned in this time that gamestop does not have the guitars in store, that's only available online which would not do. Then they recommended us to this hole in the wall gamestore that's only in this town and we went over and that's where it happened.

Hole in the wall or not, the place was cool. Well stocked and with good testing games set up to play :3
The guy behind the counter had blue hair. Like Matthew lush when his hair was blue blue. My aunt went and asked him to turn around so she could see it. He said the people around him call him Sonic the hedgehog for it which is a cool nickname but that's not the shade his hair was at all :P
Then there were a few dudes just enjoying the safety of being around fellow nerds in a world of anti-nerds. I looked around, spotted Supernatural and -squeeeee- Nikita and started scouring the aisles for any anime that wasn't Dragonball(I can watch that online).
One of the dudes was talking about supernatural and I sorta got defensive like no sam and dean are mine you can have season 1 cuz im trying to buy season 2 and I sorta weaseled my way over and snatched It off the shelf so they couldn't buy it before I did. I grabbed nikita too even knowing I wouldn't be able to get it because my aunt wouldn't buy it with such a lewd disk cover -_- shame on you people for making the dvd box much sexier than the show is and ruining a girls chance of buying it.
Soo anway the Sonic guy had to get down in this filefolder and find the actual disks and the fellow nerds all noticed. My aunt hadn't seen any supernatural and when they heard this they all fanboyed trying to make her love it. Telling her about all the things the boys fight and she asked me if mom would hate her for buying me this. I told her kinda so lets keep it a secret present please. And the guys heard present and started asking if its my birthday and joking about being younger than they were and one guy said he'd be twenty in a month and they asked how old I would be and I said 16 in a few months. That's when he perked up. It was hard to ignore how he was staring but I succeeded in inspecting every inch of the aisles instead while we all talked. I mentioned that they had Nikita too and I swear he squealed "they have nikita here!!?!?" and I laughed and said yeah and ran over and he held it like most people would an Olympic trophy(do Olympics get trophies or medals I don't remember) or a nun holds a bible. We started talking about Nikita and Alex and Birkhoff and how evil Amanda is and my aunt said he was falling harder and harder and harder. my little six year old cousin was playing one of the set up games and I went over to help him but he didn't want help he just wanted to mash buttons and a few of the other guys were playing with him when it happened.
The nikita fanboy said this.
him "so are you single?"
me "sort of." (I like someone but we're not together for various reasons)
him "sort of? I need a definite yes or no."
me "no."
him "wanna go out?"
me "no."
him "why not?"
me "because I live five hours away" (this tidbit saved me from informing him that in exactly one month his interest in me would be considered pedophilic)
him "where do you live?"
me "[insert name of city here]"
him "seriously? I used to live there."
me *skeptical* "uh huh, sure."
him "yeah seriously! I lived in [insert town miles away from my house]
me "so what are you doing here?"
him "I'm training with the army up here."
me "Well one more reason why we're not gonna work out."
him "what?"
me "I don't date soldiers."
him "why's that?"
me "everyone will die but the chances of me ending up losing my guy is upped a lot by going into war and I'm not putting myself through that."
him. "okay,good point."
after that I was really grateful that he didn't try to changemy mind or convince me that long distance dating is an option, he just dropped it and accepted that we will just fangirl/boy together in this small store. And that's what we did. We talked bands and movies and games and series that ripped our hearts out. Then it was time to go and it was only in the car that I realized we never exchanged our names. Wow just wow. I kinda wish I'd kept in contact and known his name but it's too late now. sigh.

In the car I was pretty frickin proud of myself for being desirable but my family would not let me gloat. My cousin learned that he asked me out and laughed the whole way home that someone so ugly would ask me out. My cousin that girls literally fight over, king of sports and general cocky jock perfection.
I told him he was not ugly! He wasn't as cute as the guy I like but he wasn't ugly. I guess I should explain his looks.
Black hair, dark eyes very much like a puppy, cute face. Tall, slimly muscular under baggy nerd-who-stays-at-home-playing clothes. The only thing were his teeth. Obscenely crooked and bucktoothed and generally atrocious and-according to my evil family- laughable.
I got super defensive of him because it's just rude for them to want me to turn him down over teeth. Truthfully after a little whle of Supernatural chatting I didn't even notice them and that was not at all the reason I turned him down.  Frankly i'm not a supermodel and it'd be awful to judge someone for appearance like that. Everyone has a hamartia(fatal flaw) but this isn't one. A really awesome person except for his teeth. Nope. I aint that stupid.

But yeah. LAter on my aunt kinda hinted that she wished I'd been asked out by the black guy who was in the room too. No one can say she's racist at least. A jerk-possibly. And raising a jerk. To be honest I didn't even notice that the black guy was attractive, he was showing no interest in me and I was busy staring at everything except the guy staring at me.  But yeah. It's been 24 hours since then and my mom said she wondered what would've happened if i'd agreed to go out with him and so now my brain is swimming in scenarios ugh!

But regardless of it all I am super happy. I don't get asked out, or complimented or looked at often so having him ask was pretty nice ^_^
I've got a class tomorrow and I've decided to treat myself. As reward for being desireable I will wear my cutest monster pjs to class and all day long whooo! :D

Now its 11pm and I'm going to enjoy Supernatural season 2 with my headphones. I'll be back tomorrow or the next day to tell you all about the books I've read and suggest to others and warn others never to read. Toodles poodles!

WAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!

*GLOMPS!* HELLO MY INTERNETTERS! LONG TIME NO SEE, I MISSED CHUUUU!!!!!! *huggles*

I know it's been a while, sorry bout that. Our internet connection has had problems, our family has had problems, and I've had very little typing time. Besides, nothing has really happened that seems worth mentioning. Until today.

drumroll please!!!

Lovely complex!!!!!!

I've heard about this anime ever since I was a midget watching Zatch Bell and Digimon but I avoided it for so long because, well-let's face it. That is the corniest, girliest name you can create. I figured it'd be just like any other Shoujo, girl falls for guy with no reason behind her actions, girl has voice that's like needles on a chalkboard, girl makes a fool o herself and he kisses her and makes it all better.

But in the end, I surrendered to the temptation. I just finished writing a rape scene and was so desperate for something cute and cute and not tragic and not sadistic and horrible and everything awful that that scene was. Hashtag I'm a monster >_<
I looked all over youtube for the number one Shoujo and everyone say this is the very very best.
24 episodes in three days and now I can honestly say, I agree with everyone.

Risa is a tall girl who's best friend/rival is Otani- a really short guy. They fight and insult each other and punch each other all the time, so they're kind of famous around the school as a comedy duo.
Well after going all through school jokingly hating each other and always calling the other one names, one Christmas things change. Otani shows what a sweetypie he is and Risa's heart is no match for Cupids onslaught of arrows.  Then they kiss, get all lovydovey and have kids right? Wrong.

Otani has never seen her that way, never considered it as an option and so when Risa confesses- he thinks it a joke.
The show is Risa's struggle to find a guy,  and then when she does- to make him see her as a girl.  I can't say more without huge spoilers so let's stop there.


OHMYGOSH. They're so cute! Their banter and punching each other then being begrudgingly sweet is so much like me and the guy I like it's creepy! I think I've found my Anime twin! The only differences are I like being tall and she hates it, and my guy is a little bit taller than me(though I've suffered all the stuff they listed for being tall) And I didn't technically get rejected, but my advances are kind of on hold. He won't date for a few years so I have to wait- which is just as painful as a rejection some days.

So yeah, I feel kinda biased about this one. I can relate so much to this show and so I really really got into it, cheering for Risa, shouting at Risa, egging Otani on, Shouting "JUST KISS HER YOU FOOL" At Otani. When things were going well for them, I was on cloud 9. When things were rough I was suffering(Suffering even more than usual because mom was busy so I couldn't talk to her, or Lily or anyone and was just drowning in my emotions)

Out of all that, wanna know what I like the most about this one?


It's Real.


Real good and bad days, real relations, real expressions.

I can't begin to explain all the hilarious facial expressions in this anime and im too lazy to save all those pics and upload them so here comes screenshots.

They may not be attractive, but they fit the scenario so well, causing anger or sadness or laughing uncontrollably in the audience. it's sooooo funny and sweet and REAL!

The girl acts tough, but she has insecurities and flaws and makes mistakes. She's not some superwoman- she needs help, she needs support. She doesn't always have the right words to say, she doesn't always do the right thing and that is okay!

Otani is a stubborn rude little midget. He's mean and rude and caring and sweeter than any prince in a storybook. He gets flustered and shouts and laughs and rocks out to Umibouzu and HE HAS REAL EMOTIONS! They didn't make him ridiculously sweet, they didn't make him overly buff and brutish. He was as real as you and me(although for all you know, I could be a hamster unicorn. and for all I know you could be a robot. actually, nah. I think robots would comment. you could very well be a caterpillar.)

One thing I love so much is the supporting cast. Anime- and real people tv- oftentimes leave out the friends, or make the friendship stiff and completely unreal. This one didn't. THis one had parents and kooky grandparents and neighbors and teachers and friends and rivals- and they're so well developed, so brilliantly displayed so that they could be your own neighbors! That's how well you know them in the end! I could write a story about them so easily with all the data they gave on everyone- but I won't. I really think the way this anime finished is fine. I don't want to do add more because it's already exactly what it needs to be. There's no need to change a single thing! Do you know how rare it is for me to say that? I can find a flaw in anything! I don't want to read fanfictions, I don't want to write them, I'm not even sure if I want to read the manga!!!! I saw people saying the manga is better, but I'm so content with this that I don't want anything to ruin this moment....but at the same time I really want to see more of the story that wasn't in the show...ARGH!

This happened with No. 6. My alltime favorite anime, more than Lovely complex, more than Toradora. I've been dying to read the original novel that made it happen- and now.... my opinion hasn't changed. But, well I guess my perspective did. I love the novel, but a part of me wishes I'd never read it so that I wouldn't be so conflicted. I couldn't write for ages because I was looking at my fanfiction and going hmmm should I put this reference from the book in? Before the book I had a clear idea of what I wanted from the show to go in, but this threw so many extra questions until I got completely flustered.

I don't want to read any stories with this one, except maybe a few with Nobu and Nakao- the side characters that are so stinkin awesome. Or maybe I could put Seiko and...that black haired punk. what's his name..... *googles* Kohori. Yup. I can ship him and Seiko-chi together big time so I might do some cute fluff with them, or maybe one where Seiko is bullied and Kohori has to not be a little wussy punk.


Holy. Crap. Ohmygosh.
I just realized something. Kohori has black hair with one red streak in his bangs.
The guy I like has black hair and wants to have red bangs. Ohmygosh. OHMYGOSH. OHMYGOSH THIS IS FREAKY! THERES NO END TO THE SIMILARITIES AHHHH!!!



Okay. That's enough writing for now. I gotta go post these tragic chapters and try and figure out why I'm so sick in the head. Then I'm laying down, I'm emotionally exhausted from my book and the show- and it's that lovely time of month where I sob "WHY COULDNT I BE BORN A GUY D8" over and over while cuddling my cat close to me. Yup. Gotta go!
OH! Ps- Lovely Complex is the Supernatural of the anime world. If you need a gif- there's a LC gif for that!