Wolves, sad story scenes and real life

Ollo peoples!!! Lots of you, wow :o I don't know what I'm doing to get so many viewers but I'm glad you're here :)

Sorry I've not posted, I've been in what my family now refers to as "the funeral funk"
Everyone remember Paw Paw? I talked about him in the worlds longest blog post? My paw paw with lung cancer? Well he is in heaven now and this place has been nothing but gloom and doom for over a week. I swear, grieving is exhausting. Mom and me both are constantly dozing off, I'll get home from seminary and pass out for a few hours, then wake up and do school.

I didn't go to the funeral, I couldn't. The thought of hearing a preacher that I don't agree with talk about Paw Paw like he's just another death made me sick. I did go to the viewing.

My aunt.. Clover(love her so much she's amashing) sat with us. She had been with him almost the entire time he was suffering, dropping her entire life to be with him. She was telling him about how much pain he was in and kept saying how glad she is that he's not in pain anymore. It broke my heart but what did me in was when she talked about my cousin, Jake.

He was like best buds with my paw paw, whenever he wasn't in college or school or work(depending on his age at the time) he was down at Paw Paw's, fishing and cooking and hunting or helping Paw Paw in the fields. When Jake found out about the lung cancer it's like he was in denial. Paw Paw was invincible in his eyes, there was no way cancer would win against him. But Paw Paw was 87.

 It was a week before Paw Paw died that Jake was with him and his girlfriend, Brook. Brook told aunt Clover that Jake suddenly stood up and walked out. She found him sobbing in his truck just saying "my paw paw is dying" over and over again like he just realized it.

After hearing that I cried most of the ocean out of my eyes and went outside. I tried playing with the kiddos to distract myself but they wanted nothing to do with me so I went to the creek. It was freezing but I managed to jump(in a dress, frickin hate dresses -_-) across to a tiny sandy island in the middle. I stayed there for the next hour and a half before mom came looking for me and we left.

I didn't cry for my Paw Paw. I know he's in heaven with his wife and my mom's brother and the rest of his family. He's not in pain and he's probably trout fishing up there right now :]

I cried for the family. I cried for me.  I truly don't know how we're going to live without him. There's such a big hole where he used to be... we had to drive by his house on the hill and mom pulled over and broke down. No more Easter Egg Hunts in his fields. No more getting in trouble for daring and getting dared to eat bugs. No more getting in the chicken houses or playing with the dogs. No more swinging on the tireswing and hiding in the backs of the trucks for hide and seek.  All that is gone and I don't think we're ready yet to move on...but we have to. 

No matter how much it hurts we can't live in the past. We can just remember it and cherish it but we must move forward.




I have to speed things up because I have a dentist appointment in an hour and I still want to watch Vampire Diaries, write, burn some cds and some other stuff.

I'm getting into drawing again, little things like random scenes out of manga and stuff.  I love drawing eyes, so I did a page of my favorite eyes. There's a manga called Koko Ni Iru Yo-I Am Here. The art style is so vivid, so magical, I love it and so I did some from it.

I can't make it turn right side up so just tilt your head :P

 Anyone who draws knows how hard it is to draw a pair of perfect eyes. Something always goes wrong, something is always off. And yet I think I may have done the impossible.

Get a load of this beauty!

The drawing barely showed the eyes at all so I really freestyled with this one, didn't have to worry about how it would look compared to the original and I actually think this is one of my favorite drawings I've ever done.

I've been working on this one for almost a full day's time. Give me some soda, gum and candy and 18 hours later you'll get this

My scanner made the eyes darker, the original is gold and brown eyes and face to face, my rendition looks almost exactly the same :D

I realized after I started that I don't have any colors that would do the fur justice, so this is going to be shaded with just a normal pencil, black and white with gold eyes. I can't wait to see how the finished piece looks :D


I'm working on that story Eve. The deadline for a new chapter is today and I'm stuck.  This chapter is where the real dark side of the story comes in, where Sion is shown what exactly they do in the place she's been taken to. Hmmm how do I put this so you'll understand...... Her pimp is trying her out. *shudders*
I gotta say this has been so hard to write, I've stopped several times throughout the week because I felt sick. But I can't avoid it. I knew from day one that this was coming and I can't change it now. It's a big part of the story.
Poor Sion, I'm so mean to her.

Another thing that's made me miss my last deadline was a review. One of the writers on that site that I love-I've read all of his stories and really adore them and wanted his opinion badly- he read it and said he couldn't feel what the character felt, couldn't connect to them.

 And me being the unsure, hates-everything-i-write-person that I am instantly started questioning myself. I might redo the opening. It went very fast, with not much time to get to know the characters. I wanted that, unsure of what you think until later when they open up and you see them in a new light. But now... Now I still want to do that but I want to redo the first chapter, just add a little more detail and passion so that the characters capture my reader's hearts. It's a rape victim's story so I hope they can't connect to them on that level, but I want them to care about the characters, feel that they're real, or at the very least like them enough that they're interested and want to keep reading.

Sigh...I dunno. For now I'm just gonna go write my rape scene, we'll see if I redo the opening or not.
I gotta get past this though because once this chapter is up I can work on bringing in the dogs(if you are reading or plan to read Eve- get ready and pay close attention to the dogs.)... give Sion a little bit of a break from all the horrors she's gonna endure.



Hmmm there was other stuff I was gonna talk about... like my deli sandwhich that had rocks in it instead of turkey and my talk I had to give in church and getting the silent treatment from an adult and halloween but I'm too lazy now.

There's a trunk or treat, halloween festival/activity thingamajig coming up saturday at church. Farmboy will be there.  Mom has signed us up to decorate our trunk-much to my dismay. Candy is food and I don't hand out food I go around getting handed food!  I don't wanna hand those midgets my goodies! >< But its too late.  Can't back out now. Instead I'm working on my halloween costume.

I had all these plans for what i'd be this year. I was gonna have a wicked shredded dress and my face painted all epically as a freaky demon. And now halloween is coming and going, I didn't go to any costume dances/parties, no haunted houses-or haunted caves as it were.Now I gotta dress up and my only option is a hideous purple polkadotted footie pajama thing that would be a purple people eater(if you don't get that reference keep it to yourself or I'll kick you). Maybe I'll be little red riding hood-demonic version. Who knows. I'll let you know the day that I'm dressed up in whatever I'm dressed up as. :P


I'm getting sleepy and bored and I have other things to do so I'm getting off. Toodles Poodles!! Enjoy the random pics down below, and if you ever are bored and need some music click this playlist \http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QohmZkSPrzE&list=PL90A5139D9751A689